


songs of sorrow.

by Xbertyx



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:51:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4303923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xbertyx/pseuds/Xbertyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of sad story's inspired by my favourite songs. <br/>I recommend listening to these songs, which I list at the start in the chapter summary/notes, with a nice mug of tea and some tissues. Thanks ;)</p><p>1- William/ Female Grell. Lullaby by Nickelback. <br/>2- William/ Ronald Knox. If today was your last day by Nickelback. <br/>3- Grell/ William. Reason by Hoobastank. <br/>4- Alan/ Eric. When you believe by Leon Jackson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Record my lullaby.

**Author's Note:**

> Human, present day. Grell is a cis female in this. Pregnancy. Inspired by the song lullaby by nickel back and the music video. I cried writing this. Grelliam x

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Female Grell. Set in present times.

 William looked down as he felt a small pair of hands grip his trousers. "Daddy, pick me up!" He bent down and scooped the small girl up into his arms. She was four now, an almost exact image of her mother.

**_I know the feeling_ **   
**_Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge_ **   
**_And there ain't no healing_ **   
**_From cuttin' yourself with the jagged edge_ **   
**_I'm tellin' you that it's never that bad_ **   
**_And take it from someone who's been where your at_ **   
**_You're laid out on the floor and you're not sure_ **   
**_You can take this anymore_ **

 William loved his wife. He'd met her in college, five years ago. Beautiful red hair, big hazel eyes, adorable small, light freckles covering her nose. Fiery personality perfectly matched his conservative one. She took his breath away.

 They had wed after just a year and had been trying for two years for a child before she conceived. She broke the news to him, happy tears streaking down her cheeks as he pulled her close and cuddled her.

_**So just give it one more try** _   
_**With a lullaby** _   
_**And turn this up on the radio** _   
_**If you can hear me now** _   
_**I'm reachin' out to let you know** _   
_**That you're not alone** _

 The pregnancy had gone well, no matter the fact she was always tired. William was working late that night. He knew he should have been home with his wife but he was a bit of a workaholic. She knew that well and never raised an issue with it.

 As he opened the front door, he looked over and saw her. An image that would forever be burned into his skull. She was sat on the chair in the dark living room, rooted in place from pain.

 Her nightgown was soaked in blood, the liquid pooling between her legs. She looked up as William ran over to her. "Phone an ambulance, the baby's...ahh. It's coming! Will, there's something Wr ... wrong."

  _ **And you can't tell, I'm scared as hell**_  
 _ **'Cause I can't get you on the telephone**_  
 _ **So just close your eyes**_  
 _ **Well honey here comes a lullaby**_  
 _ **Your very own lullaby**_

 She didn't make it, even with the doctors working their hardest. William was right there holding her hand, as her skin paled and her eyes slipped shut.

 It had been so hard at the beginning. He couldn't even get out of bed, unable to look after his child. Drinking at all hours of the day and losing his job. Ronald, Eric and Alan took it in turns to come over and help take care of the small baby. It had gotten so bad at one point he had considered giving her up for adoption.

 She giggled in his arms and at that moment, William knew he had made the best decision. Even then, things were difficult. He scolded the young girl too much, being too strict and shouting at her. Ronald would pick the upset child up and say "It's ok little 'Un, daddy's just sad because he misses mommy and wishes she was here."

  _ **Please let me take you**_  
 _ **Out of the darkness and into the light**_  
 _ **'Cause I have faith in you**_  
 _ **That you're gonna make it through another night**_  
 _ **Stop thinkin' about the easy way out**_  
 _ **There's no need to go and blow the candle out**_  
 _ **Because you're not done, you're far too young**_  
 _ **And the best is yet to come**_

 It'd taken a while for them to bond properly, William trying his best to pull himself together. Grell wouldn't want him to be so sad. He lay the small child down on her bed that night, reading her a bedtime story and kissing her goodnight. "I love you daddy."

 "I love you too sweetheart". He went to his bedroom, putting the dvd player on with one homemade dvd, like he did every night.

_**And you can't tell, I'm scared as hell** _   
_**'Cause I can't get you on the telephone** _   
_**So just close your eyes** _   
_**Well honey here comes a lullaby** _   
_**Your very own lullaby** _

 The homemade video wobbled about a bit as Ronald picked it up to focus on Grell. She was surrounded by baby shower gifts, munching on a cake. "Hey don't film a lady while she's stuffing her face." She giggled.

 "So spit it out Mrs, is it a boy or a girl?"

 "Oh now that would be telling Ronnie dear, you'll just have to wait and see." She said waving her hand around.

 The video cut off to Grell sitting down talking to the camera. She held her hand on her stomach lovingly. "It's a month till I get to meet you my little angel, mommy can't wait! I love you so much already". The camera swung around to William.

 "Well has daddy got anything to say?" Ronald asked.

 "You know I dislike cameras". William said pushing his hand up to get it out of his face, though he was smiling.

 Ronald jumped back, camera recording the floor as he dodged Williams arm and went running behind Grell's chair. He turned the camera on the both of them, selfie style. "That's all for today folks, peace out." Both him and Grell made the peace sign and smiled brightly, as Alan and Eric jumped into view too, letting off party poppers. The video stopped, their faces paused on the TV.

  _ **Please let me take you**_  
 _ **Out of the darkness and into the light**_  
 _ **'Cause I have faith in you**_  
 _ **That you're gonna make it through another night**_  
 _ **Stop thinkin' about the easy way out**_  
 _ **There's no need to go and blow the candle out**_  
 _ **Because you're not done, you're far too young**_  
 _ **And the best is yet to come** _

 William placed a hand over his heart and then moved it to Grell's face, palm flat against the TV screen. "I hope mommy is doing well. Lizzy is growing up so fast you'd be so proud. I love you, my sweet angel." Oh how he wished to see that face again. Just one more time.


	2. If today was Ronald's last day?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't visit me in the hospice, I want y' to remember me as I was, not as the dying reaping, face thick with agony. Ya' too special for such a sight."
> 
> If today was your last day -nickleback.

Flashback

 William had been captivated by the young blonde reaper, ever since he had almost jump sliced him with his lawn mower. Over a century had passed since that day. He loved the wildness of this young man but had never been man enough to make a move.

 Knox had been skidding down the hall way, on his chair and had crashed into him, sending him flying and cracking his glasses.

 "Whoops Chief, sorry 'bout that! Was just letting off steam y' know?"

 "Reaper Knox, please return to your desk. I'm aware you're behind on your paperwork, are you not?"

 "eee, ye...you know Chief." He said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "In all the years I've known y', you've never had any fun! I know we live long lives and this is technically our second life, bu' you should make the most of it. You may come to regret bein' so boring"

 "Just get back to work, there's no need for you to pry into my personality."

 _**My best friend gave me the best advice** _  
_**He said each day's a gift and not a given right** _  
_**Leave no stone unturned,** _  
_**leave your fears behind** _  
_**And try to take the path less traveled by** _  
_**That first step you take is the longest stride** _

 William had gone back to his desk, having no time to go get another pair of glasses from 'paps'. He sighed, thinking he'd have to make the trip later on. How bothersome, honestly.

 A hour or so later , Knox had barged into William's office, without bothering to even knock. "Chief, I have a pressie for y'." He bent in front of William's face, looking him in the eyes, with a cheeky smirk.

 Cracked glasses were removed from his face and replaced with an identical set of brand new ones. "Yeaaaa' I'm even more behind on paperwork now, bu' I didn't want y' working with bust glasses."

 He leaned in closer. "So, where's m' reward?" He breathed, pulling William into a rough kiss and straddling him on the chair. William paused for a minute, before kissing back with equal force.

 Knox undid William's tie, pulling his jacket and shirt off. It had led to their naked forms, writhing on the desk, as Knox rid William's member with crushing force, sharp moaning filling the office. That had been the start of a beautiful relationship.

End flashback

 _ **If today was your last day  
**_**And tomorrow was too late**  
_**Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_  
_**Would you live each moment like your last?**_  
_**Leave old pictures in the past**_  
__**Donate every dime you have?**  
**If today was your last day**

 William looked down at his young lover. Pale, thin skin, that stuck to the boney figure that was Ronald. His eyes were sunken now, dark circles under them, even in sleep. Messy, damaged, two toned hair stuck out in every direction against the pillow he was sleeping on.

 **Against the grain should be a way of life**  
_**What's worth the prize is always worth the fight**_  
_**Every second counts 'cause there's no second try**_  
_**So live like you'll never live it twice**_  
_**Don't take the free ride in your own life**_

William had loved Ronald, even when he threw parties at his lovely home, into the early hours of the night. He adored him, even when he got smashed off his face and William had to comfort him, as he threw up from alcohol consumption. William could understand, unlike himself, who had passed away just before his thirtieth birthday, Knox had only been twenty two when he took his own life. He was still young and so carefree.

 Those days had passed, shortly after Ronald had been diagnosed with the 'Thorns of Death'. The illness had progressed quicker than predicted, Ronald growing weaker by the day, wheezy coughs an hourly occurrence.

 **If today was your last day And tomorrow was too late**  
_**Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_  
_**Would you live each moment like your last?**_  
_**Leave old pictures in the past Donate every dime you have?**_  
_**Would you call old friends you never see?**_  
_**Reminisce old memories**_  
_**Would you forgive your enemies?**_  
_**Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?**_  
_**Swear up and down to God above**_  
_**That you finally fall in love**_  
_**If today was your last day**_

 Today was a very special day, Ronald's last day on earth. Though, technically he would still be alive for a short while longer, he was entering a hospice tomorrow.

 He had told William he didn't want the older man visiting him there. He didn't want William seeing him in that sort of state. He wanted him to remember him as he was, carefree and hyperactive. He was letting Grell visit him, but William was different somehow, too special.

 **If today was your last day**  
_**Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?**_  
_**You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars**_  
_**Regardless of who you are**_  
_**So do whatever it takes 'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life**_  
_**Let nothin' stand in your way Cause the hands of time are never on your side**_

 Ronald rolled over on the bed tiredly, yawning weakly. "Wha' time is it, Chief?" That nicknamed had stuck, William thinking it was just to mock him, but he didn't mind. It was just like the cheeky blonde to do so, after all.

 "11am".

 "Shit! I've got to go meet Grell, I promised 'er I'd go get my nails painted with 'er at the nail salon. Hey do you want to come too? Grell could use some cheering up, she's still really upset about-." He cut his own sentence there, not wanting to bring up the topic of his illness on such an important day.

 Grell really was upset, having lost her friends, Alan and Eric, many years ago under simular circumstances. Now this dreaded illness was taking her best friend away too and it had crushed her.

 **If today was your last day**  
_**And tomorrow was too late**_  
 _ **Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_

 William was about to make a comment about why he would ever want to have his nails painted, but he stopped himself. If it made Ronald happy, he would do it.

 "Ok, I'll come."

 "Really, Chief?! Awesome!"

 **Would you live each moment like your last?**  
_**Leave old pictures in the past**_  
_**Donate every dime you have?**_  
_**Would you call old friends you never see?**_  
_**Reminisce old memories**_  
_**Would you forgive your enemies?**_  
_**Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?**_  
_**Swear up and down to God above**_  
_**That you finally fall in love**_  
_**If today was your last da**_

 They had spent an hour at the nail salon, all getting matching designs of mini chainsaws, lawn mowers and garden pickers. At the end of it, Grell had pulled Ronald into a tight embrace, promising to visit him everyday.

 **My best friend gave me the best advice**  
_**He said each day's a gift and not a given right**_  
_**Leave no stone unturned,**_  
_**leave your fears behind**_  
_**And try to take the path less traveled by**_  
_**That first step you take is the longest stride**_

 "So how do you want to spend this special day, my little prince? William had asked. He had booked a month off work, going back tomorrow, to look after Ronald in his time of need and spend all the time he could with his loved one.

 "Well I've been thinkin'. I want t' go bowling, I haven't been in so long and I love the game. Then we can go to a small Rock concert, playing by a local band, at this little club in town. Then can we go to that hill by your house, the one with all the Blossom trees and watch the sunrise?"

 "Of course, anything your heart desires. Anything that will make you happy."

 **If today was your last day**  
_**And tomorrow was too late**_  
_**Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_  
_**Would you live each moment like your last?**_  
_**Leave old pictures in the past**_  
_**Donate every dime you have?**_  
_**If today was your last day**_

 They had played many rounds of bowls, Ronald struggling towards the end of the match with the heaviness of the balls. He still beat William 5-0, though. Later they went for a bite to eat, William buying Ronald his all time favorite food, Macaroni Cheese.

 _ **Against the grain should be a way of life  
**_**What's worth the prize is always worth the fight**  
_**Every second counts 'cause there's no second try**_  
__**So live like you'll never live it twice**  
**Don't take the free ride in your own life**

 Following that, they headed to the rock club, porting over there to help Ronald's heavy, tired legs. It was busy and they sat in the corner by the bar, cuddling on the sofa and whispering sweet, loving words In each others ears.

  _**If today was your last day  
**_**And tomorrow was too late**  
_**Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_  
_**Would you live each moment like your last?**_  
_**Leave old pictures in the past**_  
_**Donate every dime you have?**_  
_**Would you call old friends you never see?**_  
_**Reminisce old memories**_  
_**Would you forgive your enemies?**_  
_**Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?**_  
_**Swear up and down to God above**_  
**That you finally fall in love**  
__**If today was your last day**

 Ronald had started to grow paler. "Do you want to go home?" William asked, concern in his voice.

 "No, I don't want t' miss the sunrise." They had gone home to grab two thick blankets and some wine. Carrying Ronald's tired form on his back up the hill, the ill man's breath turning to weak wheezes, William placed him softly in a sitting position.

 **If today was your last day**  
_**Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?**_  
_**You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars**_  
_**Regardless of who you are**_  
_**So do whatever it takes 'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life**_  
_**Let nothin' stand in your way Cause the hands of time are never on your side**_

 He lay one blanket on the grass, under the largest, most beautiful, pink Blossom tree. The other blanket pulled up to their waists to keep the young man warm, as they drank their wine and chatted about everything and anything, into the early hours of the night.

 As 4am drew near, Ronald ran his ran under his shirt, from his position laying against Williams chest, the older mans arms wrapped protectively around the other.

 "What do y' say Chief, a bit of loving to set up for this sunrise?"

 "Are you sure, I don't to hurt you?" They hadn't made love in a few weeks for that very reason.

 "Na ch- Will, I'm not 'that' fragile." He said, winking. "Plus I snuck some lube inta' m' coat pocket before we left, don't make m' efforts go to waste."

 **If today was your last day**  
_**And tomorrow was too late**_  
 _ **Could you say goodbye to yesterday?**_

 Small gentle moans merged into the others, as William made love to the younger man, slowly and lovingly, as to not hurt him.

 Ronald just lay their, body too tired for much movement, nails digging into William's back as he made small, cute moaning sounds against the other's ear.

 "I love y' so much Will."

 "And I, you, my sweet little angel."

 **Would you live each moment like your last?**  
_**Leave old pictures in the past**_  
_**Donate every dime you have?**_  
_**Would you call old friends you never see?**_  
_**Reminisce old memories**_  
_**Would you forgive your enemies?**_  
_**Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?**_  
_**Swear up and down to God above**_  
_**That you finally fall in love**_  
_**If today was your last day**_

They stayed lying together naked until 6am, cuddling, as Blossom petals fluttered around them in the light spring breeze. As the sunshine finished it's rise into the sky, Knox rested his aching head against the others chest, tired eyes slipping shut.

  **My best friend gave me the best advice**  
_**He said each day's a gift and not a given right**_  
_**Leave no stone unturned,**_  
_**leave your fears behind**_  
_**And try to take the path less travelled by**_  
_**That first step you take is the longest stride**_

 "Thank you so much for doin' this for me, my last day has been everything and more than I could have ever wished for, thanks to you."

 William stroked his hair soothingly, "My life is more than I could have ever wished for, because of you. I'm so happy I made this day worth while for you. I love you."

 "I love y' too." With that, he fell into a peaceful slumber.

 **Against the grain should be a way of life**  
  _ **What's worth the prize is always worth the fight**_  
_**Every second counts 'cause there's no second try**_  
_**So live like you'll never live it twice**_  
_**Don't take the free ride in your own life**_

 William had taken him back to their house and cuddled him, falling into a deep sleep. Feeling more complete than he had in his whole life, with a slight sadness tugging at his heart.

 He had woken up a few hours later, to a cold form of his love, no rise and fall to his chest.

Grell would be crushed but even so, maybe this was for the best. He had considered it his last day anyway, passing away peacefully having done all his heart had desired. He wouldn't die in agony, but with his heart full of love for the man who had returned his love, given him the whole world.

 **If today was your last day**  
_**Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?**_  
_**You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars**_  
_**Regardless of who you are**_  
_**So do whatever it takes**_  
_**'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life**_  
_**Let nothin' stand in your way**_  
_**Cause the hands of time are never on your side**_


	3. Saving her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hoobastank - the reason.

 William walked into the main hall of the London dispatch branch on the 13th of May, 1889, for one reason and one reason alone. To talk some sense into that redheaded reaper. This situation had progressed too far and he was concerned. More than that though, he feared losing the woman he so loved. The woman who he had never been able to express his feelings for.

 That woman had been the only reason he hadn’t taken the job offer in Edinburgh, when the stress of being understaffed had gotten the best of him. He loved everything about that city but the thought of never seeing her again made him stay in London, just so he could see her beautiful face day after day.

 **I'm not a perfect person**  
**There's many things I wish I didn't do**  
**But I continue learning**  
**I never meant to do those things to you**  
**And so I have to say before I go**  
**That I just want you to know**

 He knew what was happening at this present moment was all his fault. If he hadn’t of pushed Grell away so harshly. If he hadn’t of been extra cruel, none of this would be happening. It was months ago and he still couldn't let go of the guilt that was eating him up inside. If only he hadn't of opened his mouth and said those awful words.

 **I've found a reason for me**  
**To change who I used to be**  
**A reason to start over new**  
**and the reason is you**

 It was on a sunny spring day when he had hurt his love so badly. As soon as those awful words were out of his mouth, he saw the sorrow wash across her face. He saw her die inside. It was all so stupid really. She was annoying him, saying what a cold, handsome brute he was. Saying how much she loved him and how she would show him every day how much he meant to her, if only he would let her.  He was trying his hardest not to let his emotions show, not to let her see how much he really loved her. That’s when he hit her with the end of his scythe and those hideous words were spoken. “Just leave me be, would you? I will never love you. You mean nothing to me, Reaper Sutcliff. You are an abomination to this branch and as such I will never see you as a friend, let alone a lover.”

 **I'm sorry that I hurt you**  
**It's something I must live with everyday**  
**And all the pain I put you through**  
**I wish that I could take it all away**  
**And be the one who catches all your tears**  
**Thats why I need you to hear**

 She had stormed off, tears slipping from her eyes. That’s when things changed. She changed and stopped coming to see William. Stopped saying that she loved him. It wasn’t long before William had noticed the bruises on her neck and the cuts on her face, showing through a thick layer of makeup.

 **I've found a reason for me**  
**To change who I used to be**  
**A reason to start over new**  
**and the reason is You**  
  
**and the reason is You [x3]**

 William had begun to watch her, as she left work each night. To his horror, he realised she was giving herself to a demon. Not just any demon. Sebastian was awful enough as it was but no, she had ended up in Claude’s arms every night.  Him and the rest of his spider demon clan. They abused her and she allowed them to do so. She had lost any hope of being loved by the man she so wanted. As such, she craved any attention, no matter how negative or barbaric it was. It wasn't long before William had noticed her limping.  Before he had noticed how she had a pained expression every time she moved.

 His heart grew heavier with guilt and he realised hoping she would come to her senses was a waste of energy. He would have to stop her himself. Today was the day. The day he would make her stop this insanity, whatever it took. He would even admit his deepest feelings for her, if that was the only way to help her. With each passing day of seeing her in pain and misery, William only grew to love her more. He wanted to protect her, to make her feel safe but more than anything he wanted to love her without restrain and without reason.

 **I'm not a perfect person**  
**I never meant to do those things to you**  
**And so I have to say before I go**  
**That I just want you to know**

 As he was pondering on that last thought, he saw her enter the hall. Her face was a mess of bruises and cuts, as were her hands. He rushed up to her and before she had chance to react, he pushed her against the nearest wall, hand pressing into the space at the side of her head.

 “Sutcliff, this has to stop, this has gone too far!”

 She looked at him bewildered for a moment, before her mouth turned up into a scowl. “What do you care William? You said it yourself, I mean nothing to you! Just leave me be!” Before she could say another word, her lips were encased by William’s. She pushed him away from her harshly, with the little strength her body still housed. “What the hell William?”

 **I've found a reason for me**  
**To change who I used to be**  
**A reason to start over new**  
**and the reason is you**

 William looked her dead in the eyes. “Please stop this. I … I love you.”

 She laughed at him manically, before she spoke, anger raging inside of her. “No you don’t! You never will! I mean nothing to you. Please don’t insult me by pretending.” With that, she stormed out of the hallway and back to her office.

 **I've found a reason to show**  
**A side of me you didn't know**  
**A reason for all that I do**  
**And the reason is you**

 William was about to chase after her, when a hand gripped his shoulder. He turned around to see a frantic looking Ronald Knox. “Boss, we ‘av a problem.” He opened his ledger to today’s page. In bold, red writing were the words. “Grell Sutcliff. Slain by the hands of a demon. 8pm on 13/05/1889. William grabbed his death scythe from under his coat, as the two males went to find Claude Faustus. They left the building, intent on killing the demon, intent of stopping fate in its tracks.


	4. Miracles.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leone Jackson - when you believe. There are other versions too, though this is my favourite. Alan/ Eric.

 

**Many nights we’ve prayed,**   
**With no proof anyone could hear.**   
**In our hearts a hopeful song,**   
**We barely understood.**

Eric hated the color white. It splashed the walls around him, reminding him of the blandness of life. The dullness; all that would remain if he were to lose his love. Machines beeped around him, reminding him of just how sick Alan really was. He held the smaller man’s hand in his own, hoping to give him some sort of comfort, no matter how small.

 **Now we are not afraid,**  
**Although we know there’s much to fear.**  
**We were moving mountains long,**  
**Before we knew we could.**

 In such sorrowful moments as these, Eric liked to look back on happier times. Such as the time they had first met, when he collected Alan’s soul, after he had jumped to his death. That had been the best day of his life; seeing someone so beautiful had taken his breath away. He knew Alan had felt the same way, the previous agony in his eyes from his human life washing away upon seeing the blonde man. Eric knew in that moment that God had bestowed a miracle upon him, in the form of the love of his life.

 **There can be miracles,**  
**When you believe.**  
**Though hope is frail, It’s hard to kill.**  
**Who knows what miracles, You can achieve.**  
**When you believe, Some how you will.**  
**You will when you believe.**

 More amazing times followed. Once Alan had graduated the academy, Eric had asked him out straight away. To his delight, Alan accepted without a moment’s pause. He didn’t hesitate for a fraction of a second and Eric knew why; Alan had fallen just as hard as he had. He remembered their first kiss and smiled. Alan’s lips were so soft and his taste was intoxicating. It was just a gentle peck on the lips but it was addicting, from that first moment. Eric would never tire of those kisses, though they turned more deep and passionate as their romance grew.

 **_Easy to despair,_ **  
**When all you hear is fear and lies.**  
**Easy just to run and hide,**  
**To frightened to begin.**

 Things had only gotten better. Eric remembered that memory fondly, as his thumb rubbed over the engagement ring on Alan’s finger. Alan had never looked so happy, tears welling up in those beautiful orbs that some would just call eyes, as Eric asked him the most important question in the world. They’d both cried tears of bliss, when Alan had accepted his proposal. They had the wedding all planned out and then THAT happened. THAT thing that had crushed Eric, like some flimsy bit of paper. Tears had fallen on the day that THAT news had come to pass. Only this time, they were tears of heartbreak; of dread and despair.

 **But if we dare to dare,**  
**Don’t wait for answers from the sky.**  
**Each of us can look inside,**  
**And hear this song within.**

 Eric remembered Alan’s first attack vividly. Oh God, how much it pained him to think of that event. He had seen Alan crumble to his knees in pain and had raced over to him, sinking down onto his knees quickly. He had cradled Alan close to him, as Alan tried to put on a brave face. Eric wasn’t so strong in that moment, the tears of emotional agony coursing down his face, wetting the other’s hair. Any memory of Alan was special to Eric but THAT memory burned a hole in his heart whenever his mind wandered to it. THAT memory was one that he longed to forget.

 Alan’s condition had deteriorated quickly, faster than anyone was expecting. At a quicker pace than the doctors had predicted. It had dawned on Eric that he was going to lose Alan soon; way too soon. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were immortal. They were meant to be together forever. Eric had taken it upon himself to stop such a disgrace from being able to occur.

 **They don’t always happen when, you ask.  
And it’s easy to give in, to your fear. **  
**But when you blinded by your faith,**  
**Can’t see your way clear through the rain,**  
**A small but still resilient voice; Says hope is very near.**  
**Ohhhhh.**  
 

 He was close. So close. He had found another miracle. A piece of information in an old text book that the Undertaker had given him had alerted him to a cure. A possible cure; but it gave Eric hope none the less. He just had one soul left to collect. He could save Alan; no one at branch had figured out his secret actions yet.

 Even Alan didn’t know. Had had accepted his fate. Eric could do no such thing. If only. If only that child hadn’t of reminded him of a younger version of Alan, he would have the 1000 souls needed to cure him. To make him well again.

 **There can be miracles,**  
**When you believe.**  
**Though hope is frail,**  
**It's hard to kill.**  
 

 That wasn’t important right now. He couldn’t leave Alan alone right now. Not when he was THIS ill. Not when he was in so much pain. Eric looked over at him, to see a few pained tears slipping from his eyes. Every so often, Alan would grip his hand tightly, breath hitching as agony coursed through him and his body tensed. The pain killers had no effect on his misery; they had stopped working weeks ago. Eric couldn’t let himself imagine just how intense Alan’s pain really was. If he thought about it, he would crack. He wouldn’t be able to be Alan’s rock at that present moment. He wouldn’t be able to offer him the tiniest bit of support; all that he could muster through his own emotional wreckage.

 **Who knows what miracles,**  
**You can achieve.**  
**When you believe,**  
**Some how you will. . .**

 Alan moved the oxygen mask away from his mouth, to speak quietly. “Eric … will you hold me … for a while, please. It … it hurts so much.” Eric gulped and nodded, pain twisting in his chest at seeing Alan looking so fragile. He had never admitted that he was in pain before; he had never let the brave mask slip from him. Eric knew that it was a clear sign that the end would soon be upon him.

 He moved onto the bed, as Alan replaced the mask over his mouth and held him gently. He kissed the top of Alan’s head, a few tears slipping from his eyes, as his thumb rubbed Alan’s cheek soothingly. _Just hang on, Al. Just hang on for tonight and I’ll get that last soul. I just need one more and then you’ll be well again. We’ll be happy once more._ He knew that he should just leave and finish the task that so badly needed to be completed but he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Alan. Not like this. Alan needed him, more than he needed Alan. Alan needed him there, right by his side. He needed to feel Eric’s warmth, to hear his calming heartbeat; a small gesture of support. And so, Eric prayed for a miracle, a miracle to help Alan survive the night.

 **How you will**  
**You will when you believe.**  
 **You will when you believe.**

 Eric heard a beeping from the machine to his left and felt Alan’s form slump against him. He realized, with his heart shattering, that there would be no miracle for them both tonight. His prayers had fallen on deaf ears.


End file.
